michelin smichelin

Our "in house" catering service offered at amazing subsidised prices that still seem higher than all the local restaurants had a great selection of nourishment today. I had a burrito with rice so spicy I couldn't touch it. I decided to ask a colleague whether I made the wrong choice and should have gone for the noodles instead..... "They are like 'bootlaces dipped in dogshit.' Well that was a win win situation then! Total cost for both meals = £7.80

pay day

Dave has just done his maths...

Dave - You know we're not getting paid for about a year coz of c**ting easter

Me - really?

Dave - Thursday is timesheet day. Friday is good Friday. Monday is bank holiday.

So wednesday will be pay day the 7th. Cu**s. F**king monthly pay why cant we be paid weekly.

Sl**s and Sl**s f**king whores.

psycho killer qu'est-ce que c'est ?

After receiving lots of random MSN messages from Dave lately I tell him he needs to get out more. I receive the following back

"i know fucking bored.

i think i want to become a mass murderer."

A little ditty received from Dave at 12:56am

"Snow snow snow bad for a man from the land of the sand."

I wander how many ciders were consumed in order to create that beautiful sonnet. An obvious nod to Alan's Far eastern origins :)

Dave had a few drinks yesterday....

Dave just sent me the following....

"I was so hammered on the train home I was like Dan Akaroyd on the train when he is dressed as santa in Trading Places. There was a girl 0ne along from me she was all green even her hair was green I turned to her and said 'Are you 'hic' an elf? Please can u wake me up at farnborough."

a totally unrelated video.

Please Note :- Any persons herein depicted in this video bear no resemblance to anyone featured in this blog. WARNING :- contains offensive language. Wear some headphones!

edit:- deleted as I am hoping to resurrect this and don't want to give anybody away. xxx

contrast problems

Have decided to temporarily resurrect this blog at a friends request.

Dave was around (I have since been moved to another office). I told him a user had logged a call about a contrast problem with their monitor......

Dave " Lets go and punch him in the nose and then when he asks why I did it I can say 'well the tears welling up in your eyes will soften the screen and it will look a lot better.'